Interview No. 46
Interview By: @The-Great-One
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
Today's honorable guest is a God among men, and lustful eye candy among women. He has been recognized for his honorable deeds for merely existing here on Newgrounds. Ladies and Gentlemen I could go on and on about this lad, but doing so would just prolong me for introducing you to the one the only, the apple of Luis' eye... @CockGobbler.
Q: How did you find Newgrounds and why did you join?
A: I actually originally found Newgrounds probably around 5-6 years ago. My brother used to play tons of funny and gruesome games, and watch tons of flash movies, and I thought they were pretty cool. So, realizing my interest in the games he played and the flash movies he watched, he introduced me to Newgrounds. Newgrounds is, of course, the site that he played all of these games and saw all of these flash movies on. One of the first things I saw on Newgrounds was the Eskimo Bob series, which my brother introduced to me. We were both into Dragon Ball Z at the time, so we also watched quite a few Dragon Ball Z-based stick fights.
As to why I joined, I originally had an account way back when I first started going on Newgrounds, but I was under-aged. I never posted on the forums though, and I really can't recall the name of said account. I joined Newgrounds again in 2010, for the soul purpose of posting on the BBS. I don't remember why I wanted to post on the BBS, all I know is that I did. So, I joined, and my posting career began.
Q: When did you discover that you were meant for greater purposes?
A: Ah, I get asked this a lot, believe it or not. I didn't realize how important my existence is until I joined the BBS. But, soon I realized that I was making people laugh, and I was bringing smiles back to the faces of AIDS and Cancer patients, and subsequently healed them. Then, one night, I had a vision - I was walking across a large field, and I saw a sheep. The sheep walked up to me, and looked at me. Then, I had an epiphany. The sheep opened my eyes for me, and I realized that the sheep was a symbol for society, and it showed that all of society was looking up to me. I'm not sure about the field, but it certainly made the vision a lot more mysterious.
Q: Your first thread on the BBS Forums would be entitled Serious BBSers?. What made you want to create this thread?
A: I decided to create this thread when I realized that some people who post on the BBS have next to no sense of humour. So, I decided I would create a thread that would possibly open the eyes of these sad people who take everything seriously. I thought it was time for a change. Unfortunately, I think what I said was a little over the heads of most of the people I was addressing. Maybe I should lower my use of the more challenging words in the English language, sometimes I don't realize just how fucking genius I am.
Q: Your next thread would be entitled How To Be A Douche Bag - By Xyphon. This is an interesting post, it comes off as satire while at the same time brutally honest. Is this something you once stood by, but have now abandoned or do you still stand by it? Whatever your answer could you please tell us why?
A: Ah, yes, that post. I decided to create that post to teach people how to be more like me. As the old saying goes, "If you are like Xyphon202, then you are awesome and perfect in every way". So, I wanted to help people be a little more like me(obviously, they can't be exactly like me. Only I can be like me). I once stood by being a douche bag, and I still do. Being a douche bag can be fun at times, and it makes you feel better about yourself(not that I have to). But most of all, being a douche bag expresses your superiority over others. Every time you are a douche bag to someone, everyone else gains respect for you. I believe it was the Newgrounds regular, Gagsy, who said in his/her thread entitled "How to be cool on Newgrounds", that one of the key aspects of being cool is being an asshole to everyone around you. This is entirely true.
"Xyphon202 is my favorite user. I do not know why, but he is."
How did you feel about this honor bestowed upon you?
A: Honestly, it's about fucking time. I've been on this site for a year now and no Admin has said a damn thing. I was starting to believe that the members of the Newgrounds community don't know an absolute fucking genius when they see one. But, I was especially glad that the one who decided it was time to say something was Luis, because he is such a hipster. He is almost as amazing as me, which is saying quite a bit. Now if it was that Tom Fulp guy, I might be a little insulted. Why is he an Admin anyway? I'm contemplating asking Stamper why he made Tom an Admin, but I assume it has something to do with cocaine and blowjobs.
Q: An honor has been bestowed upon you. In the thread Holy Shit! It's Xyphon202!. You have gotten praise as well as those questioning your stance. This is not my opinion, but a fact that this makes you out to be Newgrounds Caesar. How do you feel about all of this?
A: At first, I was quite overwhelmed. I assumed that my popularity would rise at quite a quickening pace, but I didn't expect that the oblivious members of the Newgrounds community would realize my awesomeness THAT fast. However, after some careful contemplation, I realized that it was only natural. It's like, if someone found a million dollars on the ground, everyone around them would go ape shit. I just needed to be found, is all. And I'm truly glad that Luis finally found me. As I said before, it's about fucking time.
Q: Have you ever thought about becoming a forum moderator? Whatever your answer could you please tell us why?
A: I have thought about being a forum moderator, and I think if given the chance, I would definitely become one. I enjoy the idea of being able to ban people for no reason at all, so I would jump at the chance to do so. Interestingly enough, it seems I am a candidate for mod 2009. The current Newgrounds moderator, Timmy, has nominated me. His theory is that if I become a mod for 2009, then I will gain popularity faster because I will have already been a mod for 2 years. That way, I will be able to become an Admin faster, too, so I can get my rightful place on the throne. That place being the owner of Newgrounds, of course.
Q: What can we expect from the almighty Xyphon202 in the future?
A: The better question is, what can't you expect? Clearly, I will continue to post more amazing posts, start more amazing threads, post more amazing reviews, and become an overall more amazing person(actually, I'm not sure if that is possible). Hopefully, I will become a moderator in 2009, and work my way up to Admin status by 2012. Then who will be finding awesome users out of the middle of nowhere? None will compare to me, of course, but whatever.
After interviewing CockGobbler he truly is what Newgrounds stands for. If you don't like it then I would call you nothing short of a traitor. I see here a future moderator and quite possibly a future administrator here on Newgrounds. The last person who I said would be an administrator someday was Luis, and by seeing Xyphon202 and how Luis see's him, he is not far off from this great achievement.
HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!